Sunday, 19 June 2016

Dear Cally,

You've not been around these parts in a while. Couldn't bear to open your laptop and actually face up to what you're feeling. It's been a weird few months; no doubt about that.

You've thrown yourself into going out and drinking until 3am most weekends because it dulls the pain of your reality. The man you thought you were going to marry and spend the rest of your life with fell out of love with you.. There's no shame in that and you don't have to hide how much it hurts you or how lonely you're feeling.

This weekend was probably the hardest: being asked where he was and what went wrong in your relationship. You spent yesterday in a hungover stupor, missing him and feeling that empty void more than ever. You see other people with their partners and crave that companionship once more but you need to realise that you can do it on your own. Single isn't a dirty word or makes you any less of a person.

Don't look back on the relationship with sadness - be happy for the experiences you shared together, and know that he'll always have a special place in your heart and you'll always love him in a way. In hindsight, you know you too fell out of love with him. You both changed in the relationship and it just wasn't working. It happens.

You fear that you won't ever find someone you love as much as you loved him or have it feel as good as it felt when you were with him. You know in your heart that it just takes time. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. You need to take the time to mend your broken heart before you can give it to someone else again. But be in no hurry to find this love. Your friends have been amazing throughout this - you need to focus on them and your new career.

Being single doesn't mean you're alone. So stop trying to forget about this by going out and drinking at every chance you get. You need to enjoy your own company. Go for that run you're always saying you're going to do. Start actually learning how to cook. Book those bloody driving lessons you've been on about for so long. Go on holiday with your friends. Don't sit and fester and wait for life to just happen. Not having a boyfriend doesn't mean your life just stops. That chapter has closed but the book is still being written.

It won't hurt forever and some days will be better than others but you need to remember that you will get through it. This sadness won't last. Take care of yourself and be excited for the future. One day you'll find love again but for now just appreciate life and enjoy the little things.