Wednesday 17 February 2016

One of my resolutions at the start of the year was to have more confidence in myself. I wanted to believe in the decisions I made, and show conviction in any opinion I shared. I think as a 20-something woman we all struggle to find our place in society or even in our own heads. I don't consider myself to be the most confident of people; I think a lot of it is "fake it until you make it". Having said that, I thought I'd share a few helpful tips on exuding confidence, and general life advice that I turn to, even when I'm feeling less than enthusiastic.

Surround yourself with healthy relationships

I'd probably choose this as the most important tip. One of the most helpful things for personal growth and for your confidence is to have healthy influences on your life. We've all been there - in bad relationships where your confidence has taken a huge knock and you've had to rebuild - but there's always a way out.

As you get older, and especially when you're in your 20s, it is even more vital to almost filter out the friends and the people you have in your life. There comes a time where you have to ask yourself what someone adds to your life.

I said this to Dan - I appreciate our relationship and the person he is because he lets me be the person I want to be, and even helps me strive to be better. He never tells me what to do or how to be. This massively helps my confidence because I know I'm my own person without him. He respects me, even if I'm crying into his chest because I've got cramp in my leg. Yes, this has genuinely happened and is a running joke.

2) Never undervalue your worth

I often find this a problem with bloggers but my advice can be applied to any situation. Never compare your beginning to someone else's end. We're all on different paths and when you're in your 20s it's easy to become confused with where you're going.

I know that there are a tonne of people who graduated in the same year as me who are earning more, have mortgages, fancy cars and that's ok. I'll get there. Life isn't a sprint to the finish line. I might work in retail - a profession I don't see a career in - but everything happens for a reason, and it's experiences we go through, and jobs we do now, that help shape us.

You're not worth less because of the job you do, your grades, the amount of money you have in your bank or even the number of people you've slept with. As my mum likes to say: when someone points a finger at you, they're pointing three back at themselves. What Suzie says of Sally says more of Suzie than of Sally. Remember that. So don't be a Suzie to yourself. And don't let any Suzie question you or judge you.

3) Realise that life is short

We only have a short time on this earth so make the most of this adventure because life is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Yes, we all go through hardships and challenges but the best thing you can do is keep your head up and move on. That's obviously easier said than done when I'm sitting behind a screen but as soon as you realise how fleeting life can be, and that negative thoughts can cloud or weaken your mind, you'll appreciate the wonderful things you already have around you.

You've got to have the confidence to say fuck it and live your life the way you want to live it. We get one chance at this so no relying on other people for your own happiness - don't expect it to be easy or for someone else to do it for you.

Do you want to be the leading actor in your life or an extra?

4) Stay true to yourself and your convictions

If you believe in a cause then get your voice heard. This can be about anything at all, even something as simple as your favourite MAC lipstick or more serious issues like the gender pay gap.

I think blogging is a great way to find that confidence because you're sharing your opinions, your thoughts and your ideas with so many people. The internet can be a negative place at times but it's also a place you can get your voice heard.

Your voice is your tool; use it wisely and stay true to your convictions and your beliefs. Have the confidence to stand up and say you believe in something. Find that community you can thrive in.

5) Fake it until you make it

I have never considered myself to be a very confident person. My endless red face as a child would probably support this. However, people I've worked with have commented on my maturity (most of the time) and confidence.

I work in retail so I have to talk to people non stop every day. When I first started I hated even saying hello to a customer as they walked in. I learnt to become Cally the sales assistant rather than Cally the shy girl, and it worked.

Obviously, I'm both of these girls but Beyoncé doesn't have an alter ego for no reason! Walk into that meeting, presentation, date, any other social situation, and just pretend. Pretend you're the confident person you want to be and eventually that pretending will turn into reality.


There's my five tips but I'm no expert; these are just some of the things I think about when I'm feeling self conscious or just a little bit low. There's no right way to be in life and that's the beauty of our individuality. Our personalities are like fingerprints - we are all unique but it's about being comfortable with yourself and the person you're becoming. Feel confident that the path you're on is the right one, but if it isn't: arm yourself with the right mind-set to realise this and change it.

No one is perfect but there are small things we can do each day to make us feel more content with the person we're becoming and this big ol' adventure called life.

Now over to you - what are you tips for confidence?

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